OZARK

Julia Garner channels such vulnerability through a rigidly mean hillbilly criminal in the hit show OZARK. She incorporates a total juxtaposition through the character’s hard yet tender heart.  She is callous and fierce on the outside; she shows no remorse for people who cross her, however, her insides don’t always match that. 

In the first season Ruth Langmore (Garner) plays by the rules of her unlawful father. She follows in suit by his criminal like tendencies in hopes of earning his love and affection. Not only is she constantly disappointed by him, it’s clear that he degrades her with abuse, both verbally and physically. 

She clings on to Marty Byrd, who yes is an acting criminal, but represents a new father like figure with his wife Wendy and two children. They take Ruth in so Ruth naturally allies herself with them. Marty acknowledges her and respects her in a way her father never has. 

Here in lies Ruth’s identity crisis. 

In the most recent season, we see a whole new side to Ruth, that’s not necessarily her. She’s dressed up in corporate attire and running the books for Marty’s new business: a casino boat. Ruth maintains her sass through every high and low. No matter how she’s feeling inside, nothing breaks her hard, exterior core. 

As the audience it’s very uncomfortable to see Ruth feeling sad or scared but then masking it with physical violence or aggressive behavior. 

Although I don’t have criminal like tendencies, I do understand what it’s like to have a concurrence of feelings. For a very long time, I would mask certain moods with goofy behavior or acting out to be the center of attention. Without having a true sense of self, it’s very easy to be swayed by others. It’s very easy to get “caught up with the jones”; to buy an article of clothing that you can’t necessarily afford; or do things that don’t fit in with your values.

Here I am in cat / cow pose. Cat – Cow is a gentle warm up stretch comprised of two postures to prepare the body for the yoga practice ahead. Cat – Cow not only grounds the body, but each part of the pose balances the other out and helps alleviate deep emotional turmoil. 

“In the beginning of the season, Ruth really tries to downplay that her father—or that anyone, really—is there for her anymore,” said Garner, explaining that Ruth even makes herself over in an attempt to fit into her life with the Byrdes. “This season, Ruth is trying so hard to be a Byrde. She’s trying to dress up, be more professional—she’s wearing skirts—which is not her at all. She’s putting fake nails on…that’s Ruth trying to be classy…. But it’s not successful, and she’s feeling that she will never be a Byrde, and they will never truly really accept her.”

The strong-willed daughter of a criminal family, Ruth has always projected strength. But her new vulnerability opens her up to an emotion foreign to her.

“Because Ruth feels so alone, she actually ends up falling in love for the first time,” said Garner. “She doesn’t know what normal love is. So you see a much softer, much more playful side of Ruth. That being said, because of the playful side—something happens and she full-on cracks.”

Ms. America

I started watching Mrs. America during the pandemic to help pass the time and escape with the show’s all-star cast. The premise of the story focuses on the Equal Rights Amendment (ERA) through the eyes of Gloria Steinem (played by Rose Byrne) and other second wave feminists. The story wouldn’t be whole if the ERA’s uphill battle wasn’t defined.  Conservative anti-feminist and antagonist of the show Phyllis Schlafly (Cate Blanchette) mobilized a grassroots movement against the ERA and until watching the show I must admit I had no idea who Schlafly was. As a woman, Schlafly baffles me!  She actively goes against the likes of Steinem and the ERA opposing issues like equal pay and abortion. 

Who I really want to focus on though is Gloria Steinem and not for the reasons you may think. I want to focus on her to speak about my vulnerabilities with my confidence (or sometimes lack thereof). 

Apart from Steinem’s cool style, witty intellect and utter determination she bodes this kind of seductive confidence that I truly yearn for. I want to embody that kind of buoyancy in my professional life and my personal life. 

A few years back, I was having lunch at the Mark Hotel with my best friend Becky and we sat two tables down from her. I wasn’t necessarily star struck but felt safe and super excited to be near such a fucking legend.  

For those of you unfamiliar with Steinem, Steinem was and is the face of the women’s movement. A forever trailblazer (I wish I was a trailblazer) Steinem co-founded Ms. Magazine (an all women run publication) and co-founded of the National Women’s Political caucus, which essentially played a major part in passing the ERA. I think her will to name a goal and achieve it is what I am most in awe of and she did so unapologetically.  I personally aim to motivate for that kind of determination.  

In episode four, Gloria and her female staff sit around at Ms. Magazine headquarters discussing pitch ideas for the next issue of the magazine. Progressive story topics are bounced back and forth between each of the women as incessant ringing of the phones divert our attention from the background. 

After answering the phone, Gloria asks one of her colleagues to obtain a copy of Screw Magazine. When her colleague returns with a copy she has a very grim look on her face and tells Gloria that she might want to look at the particular issue in private. Gloria assures her its fine. 

Once she opens the magazine, a horrid look comes over her face. In the magazine is a pin up centerfold of what looks like Gloria Steinem with a tag line that “Pin The Cock On The Feminist”. 

The look on Gloria’s face jolted me. I look at a woman like her and think wow, she’s unbreakable – and I compare myself to that. Except, I am comparing myself to something that actually isn’t real, which oftentimes sets me up for failure before I even try. Yes, Gloria Steinem is strong willed and yes, her skin might be thicker than mine and perhaps she’s less sensitive than I am, however, the scene reminded me that she’s still human. Humans are allowed to feel defeat and we’re allowed to feel embarrassed. I forget that sometimes and strive for this unrealistic idea of perfection. When I can’t meet that level of perfection I think to myself, I am achieving this self-fulfilling prophecy of this notion that I am failure. 

More often than not, I give too much of a shit, which is great and it gives me the drive, but it also takes a lot of rationality out of my thinking and decision making. 

Scandal

I love Scandal. Even the episodes where you’re like what the fuck is happening? … Him …  Her? HOW!?!? You get my point. 

Scandal gave me seven wonderful seasons of the tumultuous love affair that is Olivia Pope and Fitzgerald Grand III. Really can’t get enough of their steamy love affair; especially Season Two, episode 14 (Whisky Tango Foxtrot 34:23). More often than not, I will play the episodes continuously for background noise courtesy of Netflix. 

I admire the type of woman Olivia Pope is. Olivia Pope does not actually exist (although she’s based on a real-life fixer). Fictitious or not, there are so many women like her that exist in today’s world; women with strong willed characteristics. 

Scandal is based on fictional characters who engage in fictional White House Situations (although honestly, not sure how much different the White House actually is in real life)… so the pressure is ALWAYS on! 

Olivia is fearless and she is not afraid to fail.  I pretend to be fearless, but I am scared shitless. Personally, right now, I am afraid of failure because I believe in some way I have failed. How do I pick up the pieces and move forward? These questions keep me up at night. 

Olivia is also kept up all night with racing questions on how to save the world but still shows up to work the next day looking like a rock-star and ready to take on the next crisis. She’s seamless. 

I promise this post isn’t self-depreciating and I apologize if I’m coming off negative. I think I need some tough love. I need tough love from me.  I believe deep down, somewhere in there, I am great, but close to the surface, it’s all doubt. It’s all doubt even when I pretend like I got this. 

I am at a breaking point where I know I need to dive into the deepened; sink or swim. That scares me. It paralyzes me. 

Olivia might be scared too when navigating major decisions, but she still pushes forward. I need to push forward too. 

I need to find a new job, keep my career moving. I felt like at one point, I was steadfast, just like Olivia. I kept going. Now I am scared. What’s my next move? Should I continue to reside in Chicago or do I seek life elsewhere? These are huge decisions!

When I’m overwhelmed, Scandal allows me to escape. Scandal also reminds me that I can be someone like Oliva; fearless with a little self-determination.  

Yoga pose:  Twisted Prayer Lunge {Parivrtta Anjaneyasana}: This yoga pose is meant to ignite the center of energy and vitality. It requires focus, which will also help improve balance. For me, this pose is quite difficult, however, it does not stop me from trying. To accomplish this pose with much practice, will make one feel more whole & fulfilled.

Below Her Mouth

Below Her Mouth

Directed by April Mullen & Starring Erika Linder and Natalie Krill

BELOW HER MOUTH tells the story of an unpredicted love affair; a love affair that quickly escalates into a heart-stopping reality for two women. Their intense love connection will forever change their lives.

Currently, I find myself sexually curious towards women. I'm going through a bi-curious phase if you will. Women are beautiful and safe for me. I’ve always felt more comfortable around women over men; I find it far less difficult to be my authentic self.

After watching BELOW HER MOUTH for the first time, my interest in women jumped from private thoughts to me verbally saying I want to experience being with a woman! Saying those words outload felt empowering. I have no shame in expressing the way I feel and frankly neither should YOU. 

BELOW HER MOUTH follows a similar storyline to that of Marina and Jenny in the L WORD, Season 1. Jasmine (Natalie Krill), a local fashion editor is set to be married to a man, Rile. One night out, she meets Dallas (Erika Linder) at a bar and their attraction cannot be denied. Erika is a roofer and owns her own company. She’s been hired to do a job near Jasmine’s. After much persistence, Jasmine accepts Erika’s drink invitation and well… one thing leads to another… steamy sex scene after another and next thing we know, I am a self-proclaimed lesbian!

As a film, BELOW HER MOUTH is far from a perfect, however, it left me yearning for more passion in my life. It also made me sad and excited for the future. Sad because I’ve never experienced such connectedness with another human, man or woman in my life. Excited to think that there’s hope for some intimacy and maybe it will be with a lady. Who knows.

Dating for me has always been difficult and still remains that way. I naively thought things would be more seamless if I decided to explore this avenue of being with woman. I thought I would feel more confident since I’m more able to be myself around the ladies. My curiosity is still very much intact, but sealing the deal seems to be my biggest obstacle.

In BELOW HER MOUTH, Jasmine finds such an intense connection with Dallas that it causes her to be unfaithful to her fiancé. Although it’s unfair to Rile, that kind of passion, at times, cannot be tamed. Is it bad to say that I am drawn to that? Is it sick to say that’s the kind of passion I want. It’s not my intention to hurt someone or disrupt life’s coarse and of course I always vow for honesty, but I don’t think I could be in any relationship, man or woman, without that kind of passion. Nor could I walk away from it.

Maybe things will feel differently the day I am in a committed and loving relationship.

Tom Cruise

I had the most intense sexy dream about Tom Cruise the other night. I hope this post doesn’t put people off since lots of strange speculation follows the actor, but I would do naughty things to him anytime, anywhere. OK?

Step one. Let’s dispose of all negativity, which currently surrounds Tom Cruise. This includes anything relating to the religion of Scientology; his disbelief in psychiatry (which clearly based on this blog goes fully against my beliefs); his supposed fake marriages; that putrid memory of him jumping on Oprah’s couch… you get the idea here.

Step two. Think of only hot pictures of the actor. Here’s two to stir our imagination, people.

On Thursday, January 25th, 2018, Tom Cruise joined the world of Instagram in an effort to promote the latest installment of MISSION: IMPOSSIBLE called MISSION: IMPOSSIBLE FALLOUT. I’m personally pretty excited about the upcoming release.

I do, however, miss the early years of Tom’s career. I miss his character driven roles. Even in the premiere MISSION: IMPOSSIBLE, it was so hard not to fall in love with Ethan Hunt. The later {and currently present} career of Tom Cruise is defined by way too many franchises. While these roles certainly display his physical abilities; they lack emotional depth.

Let’s reminisce on an older Cruise title FAR AND AWAY. The movie isn’t particularly fulfulling, but his character, in my opinion, is fucking loveable. He plays Joseph Donelly, a young Irish man who escapes to the United States with love interest Shannon (played by the amazing Nicole Kidman) to gain land and reside freely. His accent, his demeanor, his personality is top notch.

Likewise, is his character in A FEW GOOD MEN. He plays the ever so sexy military lawyer Lt. Daniel Kaffee. Cruise has this part drawn out for him though, considering the screenplay was written Aaron Sorkin. Regardless, he portrays a character with strong beliefs that delivers well on screen. Lt. Daniel Kaffee shows emotion through his goodness beliefs in human mankind, while maintaining a simpleton lifestyle. He enjoys baseball and basks in defending the underdogs.

My close friends can vouch that I’ve always been attracted to the bad boy type, so it’s to no surprise that I love his character in INTERVIEW WITH THE VAMPIRE: THE VAMPIRE CHRONICLES. He plays vampire Lestat who displays no human emotion, because he’s not human; he’s a vampire. His drive for survival is from sex and blood and it’s so sexy. Cruise lends raw emotions to the character making him the film’s antagonist.

I won’t let RAIN MAN, MAGNOLIA and JERRY MAGURIE go unnoticed, but I will not be diving into them at this time. Please know that I’m fond of all three films and the characters he plays in each.

Let me please disclose, that by no means am I judging each film as good or bad. I am simply expressing my admiration for the characters that actor Tom Cruise plays.

Yoga Pose: Warrior II

Lady Bird

"Your mom's hard on you," observes Danny (Lucas Hedges), Christine's first boyfriend.

"Well, she loves me a lot," Christine replies.

Lately, my mom and I have not been seeing eye to eye. We argue about everything from important matters to less important matters. 

Our communication is not very constructive. In fact, it falls in the passive aggressive terriotry.

Judy and I are best friends; extremely close. The boundary lines of our mother daughter relationship oftentimes become blurred. I just turned 30 this past October and sometimes I feel anything but my age. I still suffer from all the unknowns that exist in my life, which utterly paralyze me.

When my mom was my age, she went through a lot; divorced, single with two children so at time she lacks a certain kind fo sympathy that I yearn for. Judy was forced to get a job to support her family. She had a lot more on her plate at that age than I do and I truly commend her accomplishments. But she and I are different and that’s ok. Because of that, she drives me to find a better job and inquires why I don’t go out and dates. Sometimes it’s too much for me.

LADY BIRD, directed by Greta Gerwig follows the life of Christine “Lady Bird” McPherson. Growing up in Sacramento, California, Lady Bird wants to follow her dreams which extend outside of California borders. Her mother Marion, a hardworking nurse wants Lady Bird to stay in her lane, think realistically and be fiscally responsible. Out of love, her criticisms and wants come across very belittling. It’s so overwhelming. As I watched the characters argue on screen, I couldn’t help but think of my arguments with Judy. Still, through the fight and disconcerting moments, I felt the love.

Although there are many motifs in this movie, my focal theme in LADY BIRD is the mother daughter relationship and how the two navigate the frontiers of change and independence. These themes effect each lady in such different ways.

Both are strong willed and glued to their own beliefs. It’s clear that Marion wants the best for Lady Bird, just like my mom wants the best for me, however, it’s not always portrayed in that manor. Marion’s fear of abandonment oftentimes comes off aggressive and hurtful to Lady Bird. And Lady Bird, still a young teenager, can’t see past that and feels her mom is just cruel. That dynamic hits close to home for me. Such strong feelings get lost in translation. 

I have talked about this idea of anger oftentimes being a secondary emotion. It shadows feelings such as fear and sadness or even anxiety. Sometimes when my mom and I argue and I am able to step back from the situation, I can see she gets angry with me, because deep down she worries for me. Frankly I don’t blame her for worrying. I am pretty all over the place.  My mom is hard on me, because she loves me a lot.

Can anyone relate to this? Maybe you have this type of relationship with a sister, a boyfriend, a girlfriend , etc… or maybe it's just me. Maybe my mom and I are too dependent on each other in a way. Would love to hear your thoughts. 

Yoga Pose: Reverse Crescent Lunge: This balancing act with a pinch of twist requires much determination, strength and focal stability. Body parts must communicate with one another in order to see the pose through. If not, one might fall {and falling is totally OK!!}

RATING MOVIES W/ YOGA POSES IS QUITE QUIRKY

I feel like I need to address why I rate the movies I watch with the yoga poses I practice. Each yoga pose has a diverse and unique meaning or theme associated with it. In a way it’s like telling a story, just like movies do.

Some yoga poses focus on the root of your being; who your true self is. Some movies bring us characters who are on a path of self discovery. Other yoga postures focus on the heart chakra. Some films tell stories that deal with love. It’s all relative! Do you see where I am going with this?!

I have now worked in the film industry for almost seven years. I’ve seen the  ins and outs of what actually goes into making a movie from start to finish. It’s hard work and does not necessarily deserve a rating that marks it “good” or “bad”. I am not an expert by any means, however, I love talking about the elements I’ve taken in throughout this period of my life.

With films, I endlessly discover connections to the characters, to the writing, to the filmmaking, to the costume design and even the overall look of the film. It’s all art to me.

People react differently to art that they stumble upon. My favorite movie could be a movie that you absolutely hate and that’s OK. Why should I rate a movie with one star or four stars? Two thumbs up or zero thumbs up? Love or hate; movies still evoke these kinds offerings and so does yoga.

I came to my yoga mat just two years ago when I was in a really dark place. Yoga allowed me to come back to myself; to validate my sensitivity to feeling low and depressed.  I was able to relax into who I was even though it was terribly difficult.

I found that certain yoga poses allowed me to practice finding the center and root of particular life problems I was facing. Watching movies, whether they’re good or bad, evoked similar reactions and made me feel less alone. Both yoga and movies still my mind, which is helpful when I am trying to ground and find inner stillness.

The root word of yoga is often translated to “unite” or “connect”. Oftentimes in yoga, we start with a simple breath and move towards postures that are unknown. In movies, we always start at the beginning. Where the story will lead and turn, we do not know. Either way, emotions are evoked and themes in movies can be defined with the practice of yoga.

A PERFECT MURDER

Directed by Andrew Davis &Written by Frederick Knott and Patrick Smith Kelly

Starring Gwyneth Paltrow, Michael Douglas, Viggo Mortensen

Runtime 107 minutes

Summary: Commodities trader Stephen Taylor (Michael Douglas) is married to Emily Bradford (Gwyneth Paltrow). Emily is romantically involved with artist David Shaw (Viggo Mortensen). Aware of this affair, Stephen researches David’s past to discover that he has jail sentences and has scammed other rich women.

When you peel away the obvious layers of storyline that comprises of a suffering marriage, a trust-fund baby and an extra material affair, the focal themes I wish to analyze are negotiation and survival.

We’ll analyze some of the characters in A PERFECT MURDER and then I’ll touch upon things in my life.

Michael Douglas plays the ultimate son of a bitch; a money hungry New Yorker who will stop at nothing until he wins. He’s controlling and keeps two steps ahead of everyone involved in the game. As the story unfolds, we soon discover that his business is in trouble and he’s pretty much broke. He leads a very large lifestyle so admitting to this defeat is highly unlikely for him.

From the get-go, we as the audience understand that Stephen’s marriage to Emily is a sham; it’s not a happy nuptial. We also also learn that Emily is having a steamy affair with artist David Shaw. It appears that he’s the opposite of everything in her world, especially to Stephen. He doesn’t care about the fancy lifestyle; the lavish parties and how much money she’s worth…

What’s exciting about this story is that we’re exposed to twists and turns we don’t necessarily anticipate from the start; at least for me.

What I did not anticipate was Stephen’s business failures and the fact that David has a history of felonies. Furthermore, I discovered that both men are more common than we think: they’re both desperate for money and crooked of the law. They will negotiate ways to make money that are illegal, because money to them is their purest form of survival. Emily is a trust fund baby and has access to tons of money. Is her life worth saving or do these men prefer her money?

After pondering Stephen and David’s histories to consideration, their negotiation tactics made more sense to me. I am not saying I condone their characters, however, they negotiate to survive in a way that makes sense to their gross personalities.

Emily will soon have to investigate her delicate situation by placing her thinking cap on in order to endure and protect herself. Her brilliant thoughts will allow her to negotiate on the law’s side to outlast both Stephen and David’s survival.

Emily’s investigative negations are fair and legal; Stephen and David’s are not. That’s the significant difference here in terms of who will get further. When negotiating a survival tactic for any situation, big or small, staying rooted, honest and true to yourself are musts. Emily negotiates with herself. She will turn over her husband and her lover to authorities to remain lawful and survive.

I’ve seen this movie a handful of times throughout the years. I think I’ve mentioned this before, but I love watching movies that take place in New York. On top of its Manhattan back drop, the thriller keeps me hooked and engaged. Time passes quickly while watching yet it still allows me to escape.

When viewing A PERFECT MURDER in terms of negotiation and survival, it really got me thinking about some deep struggles I have in my life. How do I negotiate through them in order to survive? What do I need to tell myself to get through? Now let me be clear, I am not dying nor are my problems life threatening. They are issues I need to cognitively and fairly work through nonetheless. Once I do, I’ll survive them and tackle the next hurdle that stands in my way.

I’ve had a rocky relationship with my father throughout my entire life. We’re best friends and I adore him, however, he comes with baggage that I am not always willing to take on. I, myself, am not a perfect angel, however, I think I am a little more in touch with myself than he is.

My dad loves me and provides me with everything I need. He also has a temper and has verbally abused me from time to time. The verbal abuse, in turn, has shattered my self esteem and caused me much mental distraught. At the end of the day, I want my dad in my life. So how do I negotiate the appropriate boundaries in order to survive through our tumultuous relationship?

I realize the connection I am trying ot make here is a major leap from A PERFECT MUDER, but I do believe that nobody has a perfect life and issues are personal and significant to each individual no matter what they are. Everyone needs to negotiate whether its with themselves, their spouses, their friends, their lovers etc.. in order to survive the outcome at hand.

What situation(s) have you’ve negotiated through in order to find the right kind of survival?

Yoga Pose: Hurdlers Pose {Eka Pada Koundiyanasana II} – strengthens the abs and the arms and takes a ton of work from all parts of the body. The abdominals must negotiate with the arms nad the legs of the body in order to balance the survival of this pose.

THE CURIOUS CASE OF BENJAMIN BUTTON

Directed by: David Fincher

Written by: Eric Roth, Robin Swicord

Starring: Brad Pitt, Cate Blanchett, Tilda Swinton

Runtime: 2 hours and 46 minutes

Logline: The movie tells the story of Benjamin Button; a man whose life begins with him aging backwards. He is born an old man, and dies as a small baby.

 Some people venture to art museums to see a cherished piece of art by some renowned artist. They check out displays from Picasso, Pierre-Auguste Renoir, Dali, etc… I feel like there’s this notion that art can only be seen in specific and logicalforms and I don’t think that’s true.

What I do know and what I concretely feel is that art, in any arrangement or display, tells a story; there’s meaning and truth behind whatever it is you’re looking at.

I view lots of movies that I consider to be “moving art”. Visually and graphically, certain motion pictures are stunning. When you combine story with an exquisite backdrop, emotional connections and parallels are established between the viewer, the story and the characters. The takeaway is more than visceral.

THE CURIOUS CASE OF BENJAMIN BUTTON reaches me on so many levels.

For starters, I’m incredibly drawn to the story. Within this supernatural tale, there are so many important themes I find relevant to my life. So in addition to being attached to the narrative, the production design (the overall look of the movie) is beautiful. This is art!

There’s a captivating love element that’s presented in THE CURIOUS CASE OF BENJAMIN BUTTON. It’s beautiful and tragic. It’s real and raw. It’s the kind of love I yearn for. Nothing perfect, however, something that’s worth waiting for.

Daisy (Cate Blanchette) and Benjanmin (Brad Pitt) have one of the most authentic love affairs I’ve ever seen on screen. There’s no Hollywood ending here, which is why I find it so tangible. It’s clear their connection is real from the get-go, but their relationship does not begin and exist until the timing strikes. Timing is everything.

I try to focus on that element in my own life. When the timing is right, everything will work out. In order to see that through you need a tremendous amount of patience. Sometimes I yearn for instant gratification. It would feel so right in the moment, but not so much right for my future. With that being said though, I want some of my life questions answered. When will I fall in love? Will someone ever love me? Will I find an occupation that truly makes me happy? When will my timing strike?

Another motif I wish to ponder is this idea of something good lasting? Sometimes when things in my life actually go right, I think, this is dumb luck, this will not last forever. I contemplate that life in general is hard work. You need to work hard to get yourself through the bad, and work even harder to keep the good, staying good.

There’s a line in the movie where Benjamin advises his daughter on the following.

For whatever it’s worth it’s never too late or in my case too early to be who you want to be. There’s no time limit. Start whenever you want. You can change or stay the same. There are no rules to this thing. You can make the best or the worst of it. I hope you make the best of it. I hope you see things that startle you. I hope you feel things you never felt before. I hope you meet people with a different point of view. I hope you live a life that you’re proud of. If you find that you’re not, I hope you have the strength to start all over again.

 I mediate to these words. As I mull them over, I feel my skin rise. Will I have the strength to get through the bad, to work for the good and to live a life I am proud of? Is it a combination of hard work and right timing? What are my rules?

I now want to tie everything back to my opening paragraph of this post, because in life and in art, there are “no rules to this thing”.

Any art form draws a kind of sensation. In the instance of THE CURIOUS CASE OF BENJAMIN BUTTON, my passion and sentiment is not necessary logical. It needs to be peeled, layer by layer. With this film, I begin with story; beginning, middle and then the end. Thenceforth, I study the characters. I draw congruencies and inconsistences to my own life. And irrevocably, as a participating audience member, I look at this voyeuristically; I match the story with the various colors seen on screen, the shadows to the character’s behaviors, the costume design and the makeup to different actions that take place etc…

Yoga Pose: Corpse Pose {Savanna} to Fetal Pose — this evokes the idea of death and rebirth.

ROMANCING THE STONE

Directed by Robert Zemeckis

Written by Diane Thomas

Starring Michael Douglas, Kathleen Turner, Danny DeVito

Runtime: 106 Minutes

Released in 1984

Summary: A romance writer from New York jets to Columbia in hopes of saving her kidnapped sister. Along the way, she finds herself on a wild adventure of thrill and romance!

Do I love this movie? No.

Is it fun? Sure.

Is this the most average title for an exciting picture like this? Absolutely.

So, I’ve been on a romance kick lately. It’s probably because, subconsciously, I am looking to fall in love. Whatever the reason, this routine has led me on a Michael Douglas binge. I’ve already written about BASIC INSCT and now I want to have a gab about ROMANCING THE STONE.

Released in 1984, just three years before I arrived out of my mother, the film tip toes behind similar plot scenarios we’ve seen before; single woman is living alone in search of a fairy tale kind of love. ROMANCING THE STONE contains elements of fun adventure movies like RAIDERS OF THE LOST ARK with hints of humor and spirit.

Also, when you’re traveling from New York City, there’s no better place to find love than Columbia with all the marijuana and drug lords you can dream of! Additionally, there are mud slides, endless gun shots, swinging vines and human eating alligators. And… to top it off, there’s sexy American men who pose as the ultimate desperado.

Michael Douglas plays a witty, adventurer; the prototype any single girl would want in their bed. I know I would. He’s confident, he’s sexy and he knows how to weed whack (and I don’t mean in that sense, perverts!). As we watch these two characters walk through tall plants, JACK COLTON (Michael Douglas) whacks down the branches that stand in their way to clear the path ahead.

What I did appreciate about ROMANCING THE STONE, is that this wasn’t the average demeaning “man saves woman” kind of story. In the actions sequences displayed, Jack Colton was not always leading Joan Wilder (Kathleen Turner). Sometimes, she helped him out too and I don’t think the viewer would necessarily expect this. We’re used to a Superman / Louis Lane situation. Superman saves Louis and that’s that.

I think both characters in ROMANCING THE STONE needed rescuing in some way, so their relationship stood on equal ground. They were both lost in their own world; alone and lonely. Finding one another was the common denominator that defined their romance.

MEREDITH GREY

I have been shamelessly falling asleep to Grey’s Anatomy for the past few weeks. It’s streaming on Netflix and I need noise in the background to fully kick into REM Sleep. I don’t have a television in my room so I view on my computer.

As the ongoing reflections of my own life unfold in my mind, I can’t help but think about Meredith Grey. As a fictional character on a soap opera type show, her situations are extreme. While shaping the narrative landscape of the show, the writers will purposely make her circumstances extra intense to keep us as the viewers hooked.

I think an immediate connection for me, is this idea of falling down; hitting rock bottom and finding new ways to pick yourself up; to keep moving when the going gets rough.

Meredith is cool as shit and exudes a ton of confidence. I think confident people are generally strong; they’re willing to roll with the punches and shake things off.

To elaborate on this thought, I think when I have a scarce of confidence or suffer from a lack there of, of self esteem, I wallow in my problems. It takes a lot of energy to even want to move forward. I have to build myself up with positive mantras to take the next step.

Meredith’s life is nuts and her sequence of obstacles becomes totally unrealistic. At one point she’s almost blown up by a bomb, her mother passes away, her best friend moves to Switzerland and oh, the love of her life dies leaving her a single mother of two kids.

When Derek dies, Meredith shuts the world out; she disappears for a while without a trace.

When I get down, I totally isolate. I shut my phone off; I close the world out. In that moment, it’s what I need, however, long term it makes me feel worse.

Can anyone relate?

While writing this post, I can’t help but correlate the idea of self to the root chakra.  The root chakra, located at the base of your spin aligns all other chakras and if your root is out of whack the entire energy line is out of sync. Your root chakra is located closest to earth.

When your root chakra is aligned you feel safe and grounded; confident.  One whose root chakra is stable allows them to more assured with decision making.

Yoga Pose: Frog Pose {Malasana} – The squat pose positions our bodies close to the earth, and assists in calming us down.

SHATTERED GLASS

Directed by: Billy Ray

Starring: Hayden Christensen, Peter Sarsgaard, Chloe Sevigny, Rosario Dawson

Written by: Buzz Bissinger, Billy Ray

Runtime: 94 Minutes

Summary: The true story about a rising journalist who was on top of his game. As time progressed, his editor uncovered that over half of his stories were fabricated.

I remember watching this movie for the first time in my high school journalism class. It was shown to us so we could truly understand the obvious ethics of journalism. Since then I’ve come back to it several times. I don’t have a rhyme or reason why, I just really like the movie.

Stephen Glass was a rising journalist at an emerging paper in Washington DC.  The narrative story of Stephen’s rise and fall happens at a quick pace to keep us as the audience involved. Furthermore, the characters are easy to connect with. Even though Stephen severely breaks the law, you can’t help but feel bad for him. His actions are intolerable, however, he evokes sympathy as he is his own worst enemy.

To this day, I think to myself, “How bad does he feel about this actions”. When someone commits any crime as bad as that, how do they tolerate such guilt?

I started pondering certain consequences after some of my negative actions. I’ve never committed a crime or plagiarized a story, however, I have hurt people’s feelings and spread rumors in the past.

When I do something bad, whether its telling a lie, hurting somebody’s feelings etc… I usually become super anxious. My body is physically reacting to my bad behavior. On top of physically being uncomfortable, I ruminate certain thoughts in my head over and over. I think “you are such a bad person”, “what the fuck is wrong with you”, “you deserve absolutely nothing” over and over in my head.

Last week somebody told me a secret about a social acquaintance that I know. I innocently told all of my friends over dinner during a bachelorette. The tequila was flowing and it caused me to word vomit.

A few days later when I was back in Chicago, the cannon ball of guilt hit me hard.

I started regretting my actions. I would literally be driving in the car and the ruminations would begin. At one red light I would think:  why did you open your mouth. Green Light: you fucking suck.

I told myself that I NEVER want to feel like this again; lesson learned.

That evening I did a hot yoga class and reflected upon my actions. I guess sometimes you need to do things that make you feel like shit to understand the consequences of acting out of line.

Yoga Pose: Triangle Pose

THE HUNT

Directed by: Thomas Vinterberg

Written by: Tobias Lindholm & Thomas Vinterberg

Starring: Mads Mikkelsen, Thomas Bo Larsen, Alexandra Rapaport

Runtime: 115 minutes

Summary: A kindergarten teacher who lives a lonely life gets caught in a horrendous situation. He becomes the town pariah when a young girl wrongly accuses him of sexual abuse.

This movie is a character portrait about a good man who suffers from unfortunate occurrences and terrible accusations. It also displays the catastrophic result of untrue rumors in small town societies.

Lucas (Mads Mikkelsen) is caught in the middle of a tricky puzzle. Young children have vivid imaginations and adults have their fears and suspicions, rightfully so.  The anatomy of this character that we see on screen, mimics our civilization in so many ways; especially when you peel away the layers one by one.

Lucas is a beloved kindergarten teacher. All the kids at school love him. He’s a wonderful teacher, he’s a wonderful friend and a wonderful father. All of this is shattered when his best friend’s daughter, Klara tells the school that he has misbehaved with her physically.

His reputation in this small town is instantly shattered. His son, who believes his father, becomes ostracized. In the town they reside in, the beliefs are as follows: children never lie.

I was so poignant when I watched this movie. I was emotional because the mere thought of any adult taking advantage of a young child burns a hole in my stomach. For me, that’s the most unfathomable act anyone can commit.

And on the contrary, it split my heart to see a man, whose character could never commit such a crime be accused of actions such as that. For a viewer to get so wrapped up in a character like that is intense and haunting. It takes a good actor like Mads Mikkelsen to display such a range of dramatic emotion.

THE HUNT left me with a sinister which was two fold. As mentioned above, taking advantage of any young child is horrendously grotesque. And to see a man like Lucas accused, was equally immeasurable to watch.

In society today, especially in small towns, word of mouth allegations spread like wild fire. As a person living in this kind of culture, I’ve learned over time not to open my mouth about occurrences that are sensitive unless I have the hard facts. I don’t judge until I am fully educated.

I have totally been in those situations where I believed a lie about someone or something and it was totally false. Instead of stopping it, I was ignorant and blathered about it. It not only proved that I lacked logic and intelligence, but I contributed to the hunt of the rumor

DIRTY DANCING

Directed by: Emile Ardolino

Written by: Eleanor Bergstein

Starring: Jennifer Grey, Patrick Swayze, Jerry Orbach

Runtime: 100 minutes

Summary: A teenage girl learns about love, adult responsibility, stepping outside her comfort zone and how to do The Dirty Boogie!

DIRTY DANCING is a classic, however, I don’t actually love the movie. DIRTY DANCING is fun filled with great performances, however, I find the narration (especially in the first act) to be a bit slow.

I am partial to it because it represents this idea of forbidden love; opposites attracting while staying true to their core identities.

The film takes place at a family resort, somewhere in upstate New York. The people who stay there are presumably wealthy types. The staff who serves them are lower class. Here’s a classic plot scenario that’s been done in so many films before (rich girl falls in love with poor boy).

The staff at this resort range in terms of responsibilities. There’s the wait staff, the cleaning staff and the dance staff. Johnny (Patrick Swayze) is by far the best looking dancer; he’s a total bad ass and would regularly not fall for a girl like Baby (Jennifer Grey). Baby is an intellect; she’s sheltered; she comes from a wealthy family. Baby is a guest of this fancy resort.

So here we go… Baby (Jennifer Grey) falls in love with Johnny (Patrick Swayze). Their love and their chemistry is certainly not instant. It slowly evolves. Their eventual caring for one another is what triggers my soul each time I watch DIRTY DANCING. They’re both so different, however, their love sanctions them to find a common ground.

At first, Johnny barely pays attention to Baby, he does not even notice that she’s there.

A situation soon arises.  Johnny’s best friend Penny gets pregnant. Penny decides she does not want to keep the baby and needs to get an abortion. The only time the doctor can see Penny is on a night where she and Johnny are meant to do a number at a near by hotel. To help save the day, Baby offers to fill in for her. Johnny and Baby partake in the dance number together. Johnny not only has to teach Baby the entire routine, but the basics of dancing. It’s clear that Baby is attracted to him, however, it’s not yet clear if Johnny’s feeling reciprocate.

This entire sequence resonates emotionally for me. I think about myself in this kind of setting and I don’t mean having to fill in to do a dance number. Let me elaborate. Have you ever liked someone; had a crush on an individual and had to engage in activity that shows your vulnerabilities and weaknesses? That’s so fucking scary! Thoughts immediately run through my mind like like does he think I’m weird, he must hate me, etc…

As they get to know one another, there’s this energy that opposites really do attract. Baby does not change her values and nor does he.

At first, Baby’s actions cause Johnny to belittle her. For example, every time there’s a crisis he says that she runs to her “daddy” to ask for help. He doesn’t understand why she wants to change the world. In Johnny’s eyes, Baby is naïve. Johnny comes from a different background and has been exposed to different things. Once Johnny gest to know her, these characteristics that once bothered him, now endear him. Johnny in turn, is arrogant and egotistical; Baby grounds him.

The next defining moment I want to touch upon is when Baby confesses her feelings to Johnny.

After their dance number, Penny is in horrible medical trouble. Baby, of course, runs and asks her daddy for help since he’s a doctor. Baby’s father shuns Johnny. He believes Johnny is the reason Penny is knocked up. Baby then goes to Johnny’s cabin.

She enters and it’s awkward; they make small talk. Their body language is timid.

She apologizes for the way her father treated him.  She continues talking. Johnny says to Baby, “the reason people treat me like I am nothing is because I am nothing”. Baby says, “That’s not true, it doesn’t have to be that way”. Johnny realizes he’s never met anyone like Baby – someone who wants to change the world and who isn’t afraid.

Baby responds “I am scared of walking out of this room and never feeling the rest of my whole life the way I feel when I’m with you.” There’s a pause. The music plays. She asks him to dance. They dance and their love is in full bloom.

Watch the scene here.

Baby, while maintaining her true self, values and beliefs wins over the guy who has such a hard exterior. He adores her principles and it makes him love her more.

anyone to really love me for who I am. There’s this guy in my yoga class who I have a total crush on. I so badly want to be confident and bold and go up to him and say hello. I suppose it’s human nature to be shy, however, I truly believe a guy like him would never fall for someone like me.

Baby and Johnny defy those very odds I am so afraid of. I desperately want to be vulnerable around someone; to be my best self and my worse self.

I realize DIRTY DANCING glorifies this idea, however, this hurdle remains very real to me.

Can anyone relate?

Yoga Pose: Heart Chakra, High Lunge with Shoulder Opener, Wild Thing

BATMAN

Released: 1989

Directed by: Tim Burton

Written by: Bob Kane, Sam Hamm, Warren Skaaren

Starring: Michael Keaton, Jack Nicholson, Kim Basinger

Runtime: 126 minutes

The other day, I was having an in depth conversation with a client about movies and how if a film doesn’t gross enough money, it’s not “good’ by Hollywood standards. This prompted me to ask him if he knew anything about the deal Jack Nicholson negotiated when he signed on to play the Joker in Batman.

In the late 80s’, when Tim Burton shot BATMAN, comic book movies were not quite the enterprise that they are today. Warner Bros wanted to hook the story with some major star power to mitigate any and all risks. Michael Keaton (as BATMAN) was their first cast and he remains my favorite Batman to date. Additionally, the studio wanted Jack Nicholson to play the villain role as Joker. Based on what I have researched, Nicholson’s fee (at that time) was $10 million /per film. He also had a shit ton of star power. He used that power to drive a brilliantly negotiated contract.

Nicholson, agreed to play the role for a much lower fee than he was usually commissioned for. He complied to this with the understanding that he would get a piece of all future Batman earnings, regardless if he was in them or not! This doesn’t’ translate to just box office sales; we’re talking Batman toys, memorabilia and oh… the Chris Nolan Batmans…

Fuck, I purchased this film on iTunes the other day. I paid Jack!

I LOVE action movies, especially when they involve a sexy Michael Keaton in a cape, running around, saving the world and hooking up with women. Action is always a good diversion for me.

Every time I watch BATMAN, I immediately become immersed with the world that is Gotham City.  Even as I view it now (I’ve probably seen it 100 times), I might be sitting in my bed, but feel as if I am not in my bed; I am transplanted into an alternate universe. Props to the production design on this film.

In the world that is Gotham City, we watch a character dual between Batman, who represents all that is good verse The Joker who is evil and nasty. We also understand the back story on each character. We get why Batman fights so hard to keep the peace. As a child, he saw his parents murdered. Joker, a not so great man before he became super evil, was pushed into a pool of poisonous chemicals. He did, however, become the Joker against his free will.

I think I cared more about the relationship between BATMAN and The Joker than I did about Bruce Wayne and Vicky Vale (Kim Bassinger). She was great and it was fun to watch them (even with minimal chemistry) however, when it comes to watching connections, I need more emotion; more sex!

And emotion there was when it came to Batman verse the joker or to simplify this; good verse evil. This got me to thinking.  Maybe everyone has a Batman and a Joker within. It correlates to the very image of the angel one one shoulder and the devil on another. How often do we give into our bad side over our good?

Yoga Pose: {Svarga Dvijasana} Birds of Paradise

To achieve this pose, the balance between the opposites is achieved.

The challenge is to balance the rooted strength of your standing leg with a blossoming openness in your torso and extended leg.

CAPTAIN FANTASTIC

Written and Directed by: Matt Ross

Starring: Viggo Mortensen, George MacKay, Steve Zahn, Frank Langella

Runtime 118 minutes

Summary: A father raises his six children in the forests of the Pacific Northwest. He is forced to take them from their paradise when his wife (their mother) dies. Together they venture into the real world, which brings up a plethora of unforeseen challenges.

CAPTAIN FANTASTIC is all about family and I think its fair to say that every family is different in their own way. This is good because it makes everyone unique and from there, different values are defined.

Viggo Mortensen plays Ben. Ben, a heavily devoted father, raises his children in the wilderness. He instructs them through rigorous training so they can learn to protect themselves. Additionally, he home schools them in the wilderness. They can read, write, speak and understand several languages, play instruments, cook, etc…  They really are all hyper intellectuals. His eldest son secretly applies to a handful of Ivy league universities and gets accepted.

Raising your family in the woods, away from the outside world, raises moral questions for sure. To me, the idea makes me feel light. It makes me feel less anxious about my daily worries.

For example, I find myself constantly on my iPhone. I scroll through Instagram, snap chat, emails, text messages etc… it’s a habit that I really hate, yet it’s subconsciously engrained in my daily routine. In the woods, Ben and his family do not have electricity when night falls. They sit around a fire. They discuss ideas, they sing songs, they dance. This movie made me feel spiritual and soulful.

My only quandary I had was this whole idea about social interaction.

When someone is away from the world like that, they rely on themselves and their surroundings. It’s important though to meet new people; people that are different from you and connect with them. I think connections with other are key to learning about yourself. You will agree on things and disagree on things. Those kinds of exchanges define your values.

If you read reviews on this movie, critics all over the country talk about how Ben is portrayed as a bad dad, where as I felt the opposite.

I have a long history of ups and downs with my father. Today, he’s my best friend, but it took us a while to get there. The one constant I’ve always had with him, is that I know he’s always loved me. Our parents are people too and sometimes; people have a funny way of showing things. We’re human.

Watching Ben on screen reminded me of my dad. My dad is far from perfect, but he’s my dad. Ben raised his children in a certain way and for a while it worked, but as time progressed, there were flaws in the system. His love, however, was constant.

He also has a back and forth relationship with his parents. I love my grandparents, but boy are they set in their ways. It’s their way or the highway. My dad, for whatever its worth, beats to his own drum… and honestly, it’s more like a Congo! That dynamic between Ben and his mother and father in law correlates to my dad’s situation with his family.

What are your family dynamics like? Please share 🙂

Yoga Pose: Tree Pose {Vrksasana}

Looking at a tree we are conscious of alignment, uprightness and strength. There is BALANCE between the spread of the branches and the root system that expands in width and depth. When balance is out of whack, the tree will fall down. Seeking that equilibrium, however, is reasonable to re-obtain.

THE SECRET LIFE OF PETS

Directed by: Chris Renaud

Written by: Cinco Paul, Ken Daurio, Brian Lynch

Starring: Louis C.K., Kevin Hart, Lake Bell, Jenny Slate

Run time: 87 minutes

Summary: Max the terrier’s’ quiet life is turned upside down when his owner takes in Duke, a stray whom Max instantly dislikes.

This core idea, which is what do our pets do when they’re home alone is golden. It’s why I wanted to see THE SECRET LIFE OF PETS. Furthermore, I think it’s an inspiring proposition to get families and kids to see the movie.

Animal lovers, like myself, oftentimes wonder what their pets do all day long. I sit at my day job in film texting my family pictures of our bulldog Patch. We say, where’s Spoogie? (We call him Spoogie, pronounced SPOO-GEE).

My brother and I have debated getting a doggie cam, but realistically I think our baby just sleeps all day.

So, I LOVE the way this movie starts and I LOVE the way it ends. The in between lost my attention with its tangled story line. The beginning shows what each animal does when their owners leave. Some don’t care (like the cat) but others cry and some sit by the door.

When my brother leaves each day for work, Patch sits by the door and cries. So needless to say, the characteristics portrayed on screen were spot on.

I also appreciated the way the writers took certain temperaments of different breeds and intertwined those traits into the build of each character. One of the stars, Gidget, a little Pomeranian, fierce as the night, is fluffy and full of energy. That’s how most Pomeranians are. They bark a lot, they’re intense, but they’re very focused and loyal to the one’s they love. My girl Jenny Slate lent her voice to Gidget and did a fantastic job.

As the movie was drawing in on its final act, it showed all of the dog’s reactions to their owners coming home. One of the doggies got so excited to see his mom and dad, that he peed! There’s a new black lab puppy that just moved in next door to me. The other day I was playing with him near my elevator (his name is Duke) and he accidently peed on my foot!

A little over two years ago, my brother came home with a little bull dog puppy named Patch. I remember hopping off a flight from New York; so eager to meet him for the first time. I reminisce walking into my dads, hearing his little puppy bark from his crate. His little innocent eyes gazed out at me. I was an auntie for the first time and it was my job to make sure this little guy got everything he needed; to be fed, to be walked and to be loved.

To this day, the love I have for Patch is beyond. When Patch stays with me, everything is about him. We wake up and he goes right out, he gets his breakfast before I get my first cup of coffee – no questions asked. Patch is incredibly grounding for me; both physically and emotionally. Grounding is a natural way to improve stress and anxiety.

Have you ever walked barefoot on the sand and recalled this feeling that your leg is super attached to your body? Sometimes when my anxiety is super spiked, I feel as if I am having an out of body experience; my arms are not attached to my torso; I kind of feel disoriented in a way. Grounding brings me back down and makes me feel super present and in the moment.

When I pet Patch, I am totally in the here and now. When I care for him, it deepens this sense of purpose for me, which ultimately allows me to relax.

Yoga Pose: DOWNWARD FACING DOG

BASIC INSTINCT

Directed by: Paul Verhoeven

Written by: Joe Eszterhas

Starring: Michael Douglas, Sharon Stone, Jeanne Tripplehorn

Summary: A violent, debarred police detective (played by Michael Douglas) investigates a brutal murder, in which a seductive woman (Sharon Stone) is the main suspect.

Before jotting down my own thoughts, I decided to skim through some previously written reviews. Critics all over were fairly mixed and I suppose if I were to critique this film like a true cine-file, I would be too. On top of wanting to bone a 1992 Michael Douglas, I actually loved this movie. It occupied my time with mystery and intriguing characters. I was attracted to Michael Douglas’s character (would have climbed him like a tree) and fascinated with the confidence exuded by Sharon Stone.

But I aim to tackle BASIC INSTICT from a completely different angle as it got me thinking about self confidence, in general.

As I watched BASIC INSTINCT, my reflections were two fold. I thought about this idea of  lust and self confidence.

I first pondered on a relationship I once had that was purely based on sex and lust. Emotionally, I received nothing, which eventually made me feel depressed. It also depleted my self confidence. Each time we slept together, my level of self confidence lowered. You could tell by my behavior too, because I continued to go back for more.

Lust is a powerful thing and is driven by physical attraction and fantasy. Sexual desire can triumph over what someone actually needs from a relationship. This kind of sexual attraction obliterates common sense and intuition. For me, the lust I had for this person fueled this idealization of what I wanted our relationship to be and it was never going to get there. Shame on him once, but shame on me twice. The more I gave into this sexual lust, the further I opened myself up for bitter treatment.

Detective Nick Curran (Michael Douglas) is blinded by his lust for Catherine Tramell (Sharon Stone). Residing as an already a troubled cop, his sexual desire for her clouts certain judgments on solving the murder mystery at hand.

This leads me to my second point. Catherine Tramell (Sharon Stone) vibrates the screen with sexuality and confidence. She gets what she wants. She makes men fall in love with her. She’s also a successful writer. I am not one of those girls that necessarily makes men stop in their tracks. There’s a list of physical reasons I can name, but I believe on top of superficiality, I lack a certain self love.

I am good at what I do, but I doubt myself in terms of career. I am afraid to ask for more money; I struggle to fight for my self worth in the work place.  A lack of confidence holds me back on many things I want to do.

When you have self love and self confidence, that kind of energy shines from within. It attracts people to you. I wish I had more confidence; I wish I believed in myself more.

When you meet me for the first time, it’s often hard to tell that these feelings exist from within. I am bubbly, energetic and loud; however, that does not always mirror my insides.

The story of BASIC INSTINCT was fuled by lust and the self confidence of Catherine Tramell.

Yoga Pose: Cat- Cow {Bitilasana}

This pose is simple, yet it provides necessary benefits like breathing. It helps with the spine. Benefits include better posture and breathing.

It might get sexual imagining two people getting it on in Cat-Cow #meow

21 GRAMS

Directed by: Alejandro Gonzalez Inarritu

Written by: Guillermo Arriaga

Starring: Sean Penn, Naomi Watts, Danny Huston, Benicio Del Toro

Runtime: 124 minutes

A happenstance hit and run unites a critically ill mathematician, a grieving mother, and a born-again ex-con.

The story in 21 GRAMS evolves non-chronologically. Telling this story out of sequence is imperative because it plays with our idea of perception. There are moments where we as the audience; the observing spectators know things before the characters even realize they’re happening; and vice versa. Although I barley passed physics, I comprehend the laws that define time. In 21 Grams, the past, present and the future cease to co-exist in natural order, but works as measures unfurl and consequences are faced. 21 GRAMS gets away with altering time because it moves back and forth between these three stories whose common denominator lie in this horrific traffic accident.

21 GRAMS is tormenting and utterly depressing. I think that’s the reason why it ultimately allows me to escape. The acting is stellar, which allows for pure tragedy to take place. No matter what mood I am in, I am focused purely on the story. The actors embody the pain of the characters so when I watch them, I understand how they feel. 21 GRAMS is like piecing together the saddest puzzle in the world.

21 GRAMS also offers up this idea of unexpected connections. Relatable coincidences happen all of the time. Do you ever stop and say: what a small fucking world.Although these chances are far more dramatic than anything I’ve faced, it feels real.

I want to focus in on this idea of coming to peace with yourself or a situation.

Naomi Watts plays Christina Peck. Peck, a once drug addict has found recovery in her family. Her husband and two daughters bring her joy, happiness and stability. In one defining moment, her world is knocked upside down. Her husband and daughters are killed in a hit and run car accident. Not knowing what to clutch to, she relies on substances to make her feel numb.

Although the situation I currently find myself in is far less dramatic, I am in miserable at my job. The people bother me, the work bothers me and I find myself not challenged in the slightest. I am angry about it. Yesterday, I started crying at my desk due to frustration so I walked out. My energy feels unbalanced; it’s as if my body is rejecting this occupation, this lifestyle.

At the end of the movie (although it’s up for the audience to decide) Peck finds peace with the passing of her family.

I want to take charge of my yoga practice, take charge of this blog, take charge of my happiness. I am the only one who can control that.  Although I can’t predict my future, I am coming to peace with making a change. Making an occupational change, making a life change. It’s kind of like my release. As I strive towards this change, my chakras become more aligned. I breath out all that anger and frustration.

Has anyone ever made a drastic change in their life?

Yoga Pose: Garudasana {Eagle Pose}. In Eagle Pose your body might feel awkward and constricted, but you can still ride the wind like an eagle. “Riding the wind” means riding the flow or energy of any situation or any challenging pose. Keep pushing through the discomfort to find the comfort.

L.A. CONFIDENTIAL

Directed by: Curtis Hanson

Written by: James Ellroy, Brian Helgeland, Curtis Hanson

Starring: Kevin Spacey, Russell Crowe, Guy Pearce, Kim Basinger

Runtime: 138 minutes

#TGIF guys!

It’s Friday night. I have a hot date with my bulldog and my mom and I’m not one bit upset about it.

After I run a hot bubble bath and pour myself a glass of red I am going to turn on one of my favorite movies called L.A. CONFIDENTIAL.

L.A. CONFIDENTIAL is based on the best selling novel by James Ellroy. The film explores the dark side of Los Angeles in the 1950s. During that time, Hollywood was presented to the average American as the capital of sophistication filled with rich wigs and movie stars. We soon learn how the LAPD turn a blind eye to corruption; how the tabloid rags get their tip offs and how pimps pay for their call girls to have plastic surgery to make them more closely resemble well-known movie stars.

L.A. CONFIDENTIAL softly resembles Roman Polanski’s CHINA TOWN, both film noirs. Film Noir is a cinematic term used to describe Hollywood Crime Dramas. One can usually distinguish a film noir movie by its unconventional style; dark lighting and a particular composition of visual elements. Protagonists and antagonists usually comprise of private eyes, cops, gangsters, fugitives and femme fatales.

We are introduced to three erratically different cops who are thrown together during various investigations. Flamboyant narcotics detective Jack Vincennes (Kevin Spacey), the macho man Bud White (Russell Crowe) who saw his mother brutally beaten to death as a boy and straight-laced, brown nosing Ed Exley (Guy Pearce). Their personalities and character traits string together perfectly.

Bud White is my quintessential dream hunk. He’s hot, strong, angry and very protective over woman. I used to have fantasies about sleeping with him.

The three cops are once again looped into a brutal murder investigation. A bloody massacre occurred late night at a diner. Quickly, the case initially closes. The LAPD arrest of three African-American men, however, Vincennes, White and Exley suspect that it’s a set up. They happen to be right.

As they quietly continue to probe and question various suspects, they stumble upon a man named Pierce Patchett (David Stratharin). Patchett resides in a beautiful home nestled deep in the Hollywood Hills. Some of his money comes from a call girl service he runs. The hookers he provides all resemble Hollywood stars. One of the hookers, Veronica Lake look-a-like, Lynn Bracken sleeps with both Exley and White. Her heart, however, lies with White.

L.A. CONFIDENTIAL is pure entertainment. It’s filled with corrupted cops, powerful men, endless lies and beautiful women. It’s kind of like reading a really well written “US WEEKELY”.

I am continuously drawn to this story because it really allows me to escape. I’m also infatuated with the love element weaved into the narrative. I dream about being with a guy exactly like Bud White. Bud White falls for Lynn Bracken. Although Lynn is beautiful she’s certainly imperfect. He sees through all of that and cares for her deeply.

Their love story gives me hope. I know it sounds strange, but I crave a love like that. The way he looks at her; the kind of people they are. Both Bud and Lynn are deep and sympathetic. They’re also not rich in funds. In fact, when you peel away their layers of brutal cop and high class hooker, they’re actually quite ordinary.

I hope someone like Bud White will someday love me for all of my imperfections.

Yoga Pose: Urdhva Mukha Svanasana {Upward Facing Dog}. This pose opens up the chest and the heart. It also deepens the spine.  Upward facing Dog taps into Chakra #4, the heart chakra. This is the wellspring of love, warmth, compassion and joy.